I haven’t heard from my DaTuh. My youngest, P.B. talked with me last night and told me that DaTuh is holding up but is realizing that her mental capabilities are fading fast. I know she’s scared. How I wish, I could reach out to her. If only for a brief moment on the phone . . . just to hear her voice.

I didn’t want this for my children. I wanted them to have full, happy lives. I wanted them to be able to experience so much more than what their short lives are offering. Dear Lord, please help me endure this pain. Please, keep me strong . . .

I spoke with Swan this morning, briefly. She seemed busy with her children so, I didn’t keep her long. Her attention span is also limited. I knew she was trying to concentrate on her babies so, I let her go before I wanted to . . . but, I spoke with her . . . told her I loved her . . . and in my heart and mind, embraced her tenderly . . .

I find myself wishing I could turn back the hands of time, to when they were all young, healthy and happy. I would break that time clock . . . forever keeping my babies safe from harm . . .

Wanda

A couple nights ago my sister of my heart, Wanda contacted me. I thought I had lost her forever.


Thank you Lord. You have been so gracious and loving . . .

Friday, I will be going to Cottonwood to spend time with Swan and the babies. She called me last night and we talked for a while. I could feel the anticipation in her. How I have missed them all.

I haven’t heard from DaTuh. I toss and turn at night now. I am not getting enough rest when I sleep. I have become moody and melancholy. I know I must snap out of this. I feel I have lost her already . . . and she’s still here. I fight the urge to call her. I know I must respect her wishes.

My granddaughter TuDah, seems much better when I speak with her. I have been so worried about her. Tho things are still the same with her (I’m sure) . . . she appears to be handling it much better. She has much to deal with at her young age. She takes care of her brother as well. She looks after him, and keeps him talking. He goes to her now when he is sad. I’m so proud of this beautiful young woman.

J-ker is still busying herself with helping both DaTuh and Swan. I haven’t been able to speak with her much. She seems tired. I am so grateful for this special daughter. She loves her sisters with all she has . . . She always did. It takes me back to a time when they were younger . . . When my two older daughters were fighting over her attention, J-ker would run to me and say, “Aunt Mom . . . they’re fighting over me again!” I would smile and say, “See how much we love you baby? Leave them alone for a bit and they’ll work it out.” She would then focus her
attentions on P.B. for a time. I miss those days . . .